If you’re the parent of a neurodivergent child, you’ve probably spent a lot of time helping them learn the skills they need to succeed in school—reading, writing, maybe even managing sensory tools or executive function. But there’s another category of skills that often flies under the radar—and yet, it might just be the most important of all: Social and Emotional Learning, or SEL.
These are the skills that help kids (and adults!) understand themselves, manage emotions, relate to others, and make good decisions. Unlike algebra or history, these aren’t things most schools send home flashcards for—but they’re essential to success in school, relationships, and life.
In this post, we’ll cover:
What is SEL?
SEL in Schools
The CASEL Framework
SEL Competencies
But What if it’s Not Clicking?
Additional Resources
What is SEL?
For example, a student who excels in understanding academic subjects but struggles to manage their emotions, doesn’t understand the feelings of others, and finds it difficult to set and achieve goals will find classroom learning challenging. Likewise, mastering the competencies required to do a job is only one aspect of being successful at work – an employee must also be able to recognize and work within the social norms of the workplace, develop positive and productive relationships with their co-workers, and understand their own professional strengths and weaknesses to know when to collaborate or delegate certain tasks.
For kids, SEL skills can be the key that makes them look forward to going to school and sets them up for educational success. They are what let student to keep trying when they’re frustrated or enable them to work in a group without melting down. And for neurodivergent kids - who often experience the world in ways that make social “norms” feel confusing or even impossible - SEL can be life-changing. It can turn school from something they dread into something they look forward to. It can give them tools to manage overwhelming situations. It can help them build real friendships and feel like they *belong*.
For adults, SEL skills can be the missing link between having job skills and achieving professional success. For everyone, SEL skills can provide the ability to develop and maintain meaningful relationships and participate in their communities. SEL skills are what make the difference between just *having* job skills and being able to *use* them effectively in the real world.
All SEL skills are inter-related. Understanding oneself is key to understanding others, and understanding others is vital to being able to have positive relationships. Having a clear understanding of one’s own strengths and weaknesses, as well as having empathy for others, allows people to make responsible and ethical decisions.
SEL in Schools
The good news? SEL skills are teachable. The challenge? Not every child picks them up naturally. Most people pick them up passively from their families and social groups while growing up, but it’s easy for any kid to miss out on key skills by relying on this expectation. Neurodivergent kids often miss out on these lessons because they don’t intuitively absorb social cues the way others might. That’s not a failure - it just means they need SEL taught explicitly and consistently.
Wisconsin schools have recognized how essential these skills are and now incorporate them into the curriculum. Starting early is best, but it’s never too late to learn. SEL competence can be mastered at any age.
In the context of Special Education, it is vital to include SEL in Individualized Education Plans (IEPs). Identifying and adding specific social and emotional competencies is essential to enabling the child to reach their educational goals. When SEL goals are included in your child’s IEP, they can get the kind of individualized support that truly helps—not just more discipline or reactive interventions.
The CASEL Framework
One of the most widely used models for SEL is from the Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning (CASEL). CASEL breaks down social and emotional learning competencies into five areas – Self-Management, Self-Awareness, Social-Awareness, Relationship Skills, and Responsible Decision Making. Mastering these areas leads to healthy Self-Concept and sustained Emotional Development as well as Social Competence in personal, professional, and community contexts.
Wisconsin DPI integrates SEL throughout the curriculum, from Pre-K to adult education.
Self-Awareness: Building self-awareness starts with being able to recognize and label our own feelings, while understanding and accepting that others may have different feelings. It eventually extends into understanding our own ethics and beliefs, and how behavior reflects who we are. Self-awareness is vital in being able to navigate our communities in ways that reflect and honor our values.
Self-Management: Self-management gives us the ability to control ourselves and express ourselves intentionally. For children these may be such simple concepts as being able to wait patiently or share their feelings with others. Adults rely on self-management skills to be able to set personal or professional goals that reflect their interests, abilities, and values. Self-management is also a key skill for people with sensory processing issues to be able to assess their own needs and access tools from their sensory diet.
Social-Awareness: Having awareness of social dynamics gives us the tools to interact with others in positive and productive ways. Building empathy and curiosity about the people and the world around us lets us build relationships. Children often need social and ethical norms explained and reinforced in supportive and positive ways so that they develop respect and manners. Teens and adults may benefit from lessons that help them understand body language or identify and understand the perspectives of others.
Relationship Skills: Relationship skills are essential to build strong families, friendships, worksites, schools, and communities. These skills turn self- and social-awareness into practical actions. Navigating relationships starts with friendship dynamics like being able to take turns and classroom skills like following directions. Eventually this simple basis grows to include essential abilities like self-advocacy, negotiation, and cooperative conflict resolution.
Responsible Decision-Making: Being able to make decisions that consider likely and realistic outcomes, while still reflecting our values and preferences, is a key skill in building a fulfilling life. Once again, this is a skill that builds from simple roots such as understanding and following rules in our classrooms, families, and communities to being able to understand how to make safe and responsible choices for ourselves. Responsible decision-making considers not only the likely outcome for us, but also the impact on those around us. This skill not only helps position us for success, but it also helps us avoid unintentional harms.
But What If It’s Not Clicking?
Here’s where I can help.
Social and Emotional Learning doesn’t just happen during therapy or a single classroom lesson. Kids need to *practice* these skills where they live and learn - and often, they need help translating abstract lessons into concrete actions.
That’s why I work alongside parents, schools, and therapists to:
Make sure SEL goals are part of your child’s IEP
Create consistency between what’s taught at school and what’s reinforced at home
Translate confusing expectations into understandable, step-by-step guidance
Help your child (and you!) practice skills in real-time, on-site
It’s not about checking boxes. It’s about giving your child the tools they need to live a joyful, connected, confident life.
